Click images for desktop size: "Love Is Growing 2" by Physical Magic
Why aren't there any multi-billionaire serial killers?

Maybe there are, and we just never hear about them. Or maybe manipulating the world and starving millions of innocents fulfills those "desires".

I don't think that would work.

One line that runs through serial killers is feeling the immediacy of it, to hold life and death in your hands. But it feels odd that, aside from Ted Bundy, serial killers are really too easy to spot. They're vermin and scum sporting ragged 3 day beards. They always drive vans with side opening doors.

Not always.

The serial killers who who created "the accident" that took my life and shattered it, who killed a woman, a child and a dog, were children.

Kids.

I didn't know that until they'd caught them.

I wanted them to be those sulky, sub-human Richard Speck style misanthropes with the stench of their senseless worthless lives clinging to them.

They weren't. They were just kids who never had a fair shot at anything. Juvenile court with your mom, a junky, nodding out. Th mom was in orange jail overalls. California law demands that parents be present when their kid is up on a capital offense. They had to arrest her to make her be there.

Kids treated unfairly so they reached into our lives and pulled the plug.

For a lot of years I I've felt the ghosts of those I've loved trailing after me.

Crazed gypsy fortune and Cajun Queens saw them too.

I was used to them being there.

Today I noticed an uncomfortable silence.

They weren't there anymore.

I can still feel the presence of all the puppies and dogs I've known but the people aren't there anymore.


Click images for desktop size: "2004 World Map"Its like living underneath an air traffic corridor and suddenly finding out they moved the airport. You didn't like the racket but when it just suddenly stops . . .

That's not quite right. Hyperbole.

The feeling from all of them being out there was more like the sound of small waves. A white/pink noise that was always there, almost comforting when you let it be. Annoying when you tried to make sense of it.

I'm not into after life or guardian angels or stuff like that.

I don't believe in much. I only know what's there that I can feel.

And I also know that my brain is not the most trustworthy thing to filter information through.

But December the 12th was the day of the accident, so maybe I'm just paying better attention as the anniversary gets closer or maybe they've really gone.

Maybe all those ghosts or spirits or essences decided I don't need them anymore.

Maybe they decided I wasn't worth watching over anymore.

And maybe I'm not worth watching over anymore because I'm happy.

There's nothing much duller than a happy man who has a good dog.



For tomorrow night's game I've gone crazy. Last week I was 13-3 with my picks, which raised me from 1200 to 640th for the season.

So tomorrow I'm picking Green Bay over Dallas. Which is stupid but I decided to go with my heart and Brett Favre.